Shit Guy Laurence Says

Wonka Meme

Rogers reported their Q4 2015 earnings this week, $3.45 billion dollars CAD in revenues for a net income of $3.31 million—over just three months! Amazingly, analysts’ targets were even higher.

Though the Rogers earnings call were meant for stockholders and the financial press, Mobile Syrup’s Dan Bader also listened in. Here’s what he heard from Rogers CEO Guy Laurence.

Q4 2015 was, according to Laurence: “The most fiercely competitive quarter probably in the history of Canadian mobile.”


Except for the holiday shopping season I can’t for the life of me think of any set of circumstances that would make this statement true. WIND Mobile had their Holiday Miracle plan as they often do, but the Big Three don’t see WIND as serious competition. And that double-cohort thingy happened back in June.

But wait, there’s more… Here’s what Laurence had to say about the sudden and arbitrary $5 increase in new wireless plans:

“If you think about how much work it takes to build, run and upgrade a national mobile network, trust me it’s a lot more work than making a cup of coffee.”

… Except that no one I know pays their barista $100-plus per month on a two-year contract.

Remember that the price hike was attributed to the falling Canadian dollar. It honestly would have made more sense for Laurence to say: “Look, we import our wireless from the U.S. What do you expect?”

Sources: Mobile Syrup (1) (2), CBC, Huffington Post, Globe and Mail

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