What Smartphones Were Made For

A bad coffee date in Toronto

I don’t need to tell you about the disruptive power of the modern-day smartphone. Thanks to these tiny connected computers that we all carry in our pockets, we have the entire Internet at our disposal wherever we go and, likewise, can share wherever we go with the entire Internet.

This is exactly what happened late last week in Toronto when Twitter user Anne Thériault took it upon herself to document an absolute trainwreck of a first date at a local coffee shop. If you’re in to this sort of thing the results are fairly spectacular… Enjoy!

A bad coffee date in Toronto
Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) reports from the scene of an accident in progress.

@anne_theriault:
Watching a couple on what appears to be a terrible first coffee date at the table next to me. Dude is every precious self-involved writer.

@anne_theriault:
“I’m writing a screenplay. It’s about this guy who never really feels like he fits in. Like he’s just different”

@anne_theriault:
“People tell me I look like James Franco.”

@anne_theriault:
She keeps politely asking him questions. Not once has he asked her about herself. Wait he just asked if she’d ever dated a writer wtf

@anne_theriault:
“Writing is really hard. People don’t know that. It involves a lot of introspection, a lot of wrestling with your own demons.”

@anne_theriault:
He’s now complaining about the “body” of the coffee, telling her he knows a place that doesn’t over-roast their beans.

@anne_theriault:
Girl works for a non-profit. Dude is condescendingly explaining to her why most non-profit models don’t work, he looked into making one once

@anne_theriault:
Every single thing she mentions he “did that one time, with my buddy” and is now an expert in

@anne_theriault:
Girl: I actually love cooking Dude: Oh god you should try my puttanesca sauce, my friend who’s a chef says it’s even better than his

@anne_theriault:
“A lot of my friends are having kids but I don’t know,” *self-conscious laugh* “I can barely take care of myself let alone a baby.”

@CrimeofPoisson
@anne_theriault: o man, which one of them said that?

@anne_theriault:
@CrimeofPoisson the dude!

@anne_theriault:
OH NO NOW HE’S TALKING ABOUT HOW HIS FEAR OF HAVING CHILDREN STEMS FROM HIS DADDY ISSUES AND I CANNOT

@anne_theriault:
Girl has a look of mild panic.

@anne_theriault:
Girl just looked at her phone in feigned surprise. “Oh weird, I have a text from my mom.” I just snorted audibly, turned it into fake cough

@anne_theriault:
Dude, oblivious: “oh yeah? That’s awesome, I don’t think my mom even knows how to text”

@anne_theriault:
Girl: “yeah, she’s, uh, worried she left her stove on. she’s in a meeting and can’t go home. I’d better go check for her.”

@anne_theriault:
Dude: do you want to go and come back? Girl: It’s pretty far. Maybe we can do this again next week? I’ll text you. OUT THE DOOR LIKE A SHOT

@anne_theriault:
He just opened his laptop and started typing. I hope it’s a sad story about his life.

Source: Bad first date in Toronto gets live tweeted

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